Otis the Cat’s Soon-to-Be Bestseller
Take a sneak peek at this groundbreaking manifesto!
Foreword: The most basic questions people and cats must face are: What is the purpose of life? Why are we here? Otis the Cat weighs in; she says that instead of looking within yourself to discover this sense of purpose, you should stop overthinking everything and get yourself some lunch. And then have a nap.
To learn more about Otis the Cat’s basic Principles of Purposelessness, read on:
excerpt: Since the dawn of time, brilliant and unnecessarily peripatetic philosophers have prattled on and on about the meaning of life. Philosophers are wise and important, but they are not good to eat, and they pace around too much to form a comfortable lap for sitting on and being stroked all day. I see no wisdom in that.
The famous thinker Garfield said this about the meaning of life:
“All I do is eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat’s life than that. But I hope not.”
I think that just about sums it up.
Otis the Cat’s 12 Points to Ponder:
1. Focusing on myself is excellent.
2. I have grown through temptation. (9 lbs. and counting)
3. It all starts and ends with me.
4. I believe in sacrifice. A baby bird will do nicely.
5. The reason for everything is lunch.
6. I am no accident. But I just had one on your pillow.
7. I was planned for my own pleasure.
8. Without dinner, life makes no sense.
9. Purpose changes me. (I have gained a half pound since July!)
10. It’s about me.
11. I was shaped (like a volleyball) to be served a second helping.
12. Life is really about living for Otis.